As I sit here listening to an album which I made for some friends at Christmas, in the dark, my face dimly lit by the light of the wordpress iPad app, I can’t help but think about how much I miss my ‘talents’.
Now I say ‘talents’ in quote marks as I’m not so sure they exist. Though there are many arguments on either side, I think one scale (you’ll get that joke in a minute) would be music exams (bud-um-bum), as many people have up to grade 5 exams (as after that point you have to start doing theory, and theory is boring as shit) and yet not everyone is on the same level. I would consider myself as not a very good musician (and I’m sure that most of my friends concur), now this could be in part due to the fact that I haven’t had a piano lesson in over a year and so I’m out of the habit of playing classically, but I think mainly it’s due to the fact that I’m not ‘talented’ enough.
Now, the reason why I’m thinking of this now is because I was watching a documentary earlier, in which they interviewed a girl who had gone through (for want of a better phrase) a lot of shit in her life – and I mean stuff that would make murder seem tame in comparison – and yet, I struggled to feel compassion for her.
Now for many people that’s not a big deal, many people just don’t really care about people on the TV, I however, do, and if I don’t, I find it quite worrying! But the reason why I felt no compassion for this girl was that the main event which caused the rest of the shit happened over 17 years ago.
And she didn’t want to move on.
She would not admit this, but you could tell that her attitude was terribly negative, and that she just really didn’t want to move on and so noone wanted to employ her and so she blamed this on the shit.
I have met people who are like this – those who don’t ever wish to move on and don’t really want things to get better – and I will admit that I am more than a occasionally like this, and so, with this admission comes a want to change my attitude.
So whilst listening to the album, I think, well, this was recorded around 9 months ago, and yet it was only edited 3 months ago, there is no way that I could have edited this music so well when I first built my studio! (2 years ago in August) and just in those 6 months the advancements that I made in my mastering and editing skills helped to ease the pain of, if not level up the loss of ability in the piano.
Why I say that I’ve “lost ability” I should more say that I’ve changed – a little like energy in some respects in that “energy cannot be created or destroyed” and so now I am able to improvise much easier than I used to, but can no longer play the grade 6/7 stuff that I was playing before. Imagine it like to separate tubes of skills, and the stuff taken out of the classical tube has been put into the improvisation tube.
ANYWAY, that’s TWO blogs in one night and I’ve listened to this damn CD 3 times now, so I shall now attempt to go to sleep and not count the hours remaining untill I go see DERREN! ARGH!! (plus, I think I saw Coops today (if you do not know who he is, look him up) which was the most exciting thing EVER – even though I only recognised him after I’d gotten home and seen a picture)