#17 Squashy Oversized Euphemisms


Bloody hell, its been weeks since I’ve posted on here!

If you follow me on twitter (@pianomanphil XD) you’ll know that I haven’t been as active as usual (or, you haven’t noticed, in which case, good for you, you have a life, if you have noticed however, I love you more than the others). This is both my choice, and not.

I’ve not posted a video in a little while, and I feel that now my exams are over I can be more creative. However, this will take a while, and, at the moment, everytime I come up with a little nugget (many of which would help to make a video), it goes straight into twitter, and so, becomes unusable.

I must, however, say that twitter has provided me with more support than anywher else in my life recently. From many people telling me that no, I shouldn’t remove my work from bandcamp, to the most wonderful experience I’ve had in a very long time.

A few days ago, a girl @replied to a tweet which I posted about an advert which annoys me (something which would usually go in a video) i never, ever mind people doing this, and as a rule, I always reply to @replies on twitter. She apologised for just randomly starting a conversation and said “I’m subscribed to you on youtube and love your videos”. (Now, miss Philippa, in less than 140, that girl did much more for my morale, than any Japenese girl in WHSmiths could! : P) So many thanks to her.

Recently, I’ve been getting a lot more done than I’d expected. I have, for example, now finished the backing track for “stars” and have gotten some opinions on it. I have been informed that it is “cute”, to which, of course, I cringed and began mentally scrapping the song. I have, after some persuation, decided to keep the song, and with the right vocalist, I’m sure it’ll be fine.

When playing the backing track to one of my friends, they informed me that perhaps each instrument should come in one by one. I nodded and said “oh yes, that’s a good idea”. I did not, however, mention that i was trying to do the complete opposite to this, as that is what tends to happen with all of my music, and to be honest, i don’t really want that to become my “thing”.

I have also been painting (walls, though canvases are next), cutting grass (getting ready for a party) and cooking (a keen passion of mine, but something which I’ve rarely had the time or energy to do before).

Today, for example, i made vegitable curry (as I am currently on what I secretly call, my “hardcore diet”, getting ready for prom. Part of this is eating as much vegitarian food as possible. Also, i wish i was one, but my parents have never let me, given as I’d probably become vegan as well given half the chance), this involved at least 10 different types of vegetable, the most difficult to prepare being butternut squash.

If you have ever eaten butternut squash, you will know that it is soft, and yellow-orange in colour. If you have ever prepared butternut squash you will know that it is neither.

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The recipe called for a whole one, but given that i could not fit both hands round the base of it (yes, that sounds like a “that’s what she said joke” but it did, infact look like a hugely oversized thick, yellow-grey erect penis) I decided to go for half of it. I cut off the long (penis like) end, and was left with just a large ball (no comment needed). The skin, of squash is so tough, that you need to put most of your weight behind the knife in order to cut it, and so, of course, it must be remove before being eaten (the skin, as well as the knife that is).

Trying to peel this large tough seemingly inedible vegetable resulted in there being seeds, skin an god knows what, all over the chopping board, worksurface and floor. The inside of a squash looks much like a pumpkin, except much more disgusting. Scooping out the filling from each of the segments which I had now cut, involved my hands turning an almost blood red, whilst the filling was only a deep orange.

Nonetheless I can safely say that “the squash side of the kitchen” was left well alone untill the time came for me to sort through the squishy mess and put the correct part of the vegetable into the pot.

The recipe was not terribly clear, and had very few instructions on how the vegetables should be prepared (ie chopped or whole). The one thing it wasn’t missing though, was half a page of mundane and irrelevant background. “I found this recipe when my friend Sarah and I visited Thailand on our round the world trip. Sitting on beaches, sipping cocktails and having massages, we really got a feel for the culture as the country passed us by.” Oh get over yourselves I groaned, as I continued emptying cans of coconut milk into the mixture.

I have recently discovered the wit, and utter genius of David Sedaris (go check him out if you haven’t heard of him, BBC iPlayer is a good place to start) and so am beginning to feel more inspired to write for you guys (cos i love you!).

I hope to provide you with something a little more creative and substantial soon, though at the moment, my time is being taken up by party planning, rehearsals, and hairdressing appointments. I plan to make a video soon.

Many thanks for your continued support, both on twitter, and around the world.

Yours,
Phil
: D

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About Philip K. Yeo

Media Production student at Lincoln.
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